When going to hide, know how to get there.
And how to get back.
And eat first.
– Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
I’ve been hiding out from the real world for about a month or so. In December, I left my job after 10.9 years. In fact, tomorrow, January 18th, would have been my 11th anniversary. I’ve never been one for neat little endings any way.
The plan was to take a break for a month or so, to decompress from 10 years of working intensely to the point of near-dysfunctional co-dependency at a nonprofit organization that is still dear to my heart. The point was to take time to find a way to focus this purpose in a way that didn’t consume all my time and energy. After months of letting it drag on, I finally left.
Everyone keeps asking me what I’ve been doing with my time. I almost don’t know what to answer. It’s strange, but I’ve done so much and nothing at all. I’ve found myself busy, volunteering, going to meetings, traveling, visiting family, doing stuff around the house I’d always vowed to get done. And there were days where I’d look up from the Bermuda Triangle that is the interwebs, stunned that it was 2pm and I’d done almost nothing all day.
I tried to justify my rudderlessness as a product of the holidays, to the point that I put off our annual holiday party until January 14th, because by golly, there was a lot of joy to squeeze into the season. I still haven’t taken down all the twinkly lights, but now, it’s starting to feel tired and sad.
I still haven’t accomplished some of my ‘time-off’ goals, such as blogging more regularly (what else do I have to do?!?), joining a gym, taking sewing lessons, taking a focused, deliberate approach to finding a new job, or finally going through all the stuff from my dad’s apartment that I’d just boxed up and stored in the spare bedroom after he passed….6 years ago.
I don’t know what scares me most: that I’m getting good at doing nothing, or I’m missing the long days filled with crises and problem-solving.
In any case, I’ve decided to start chipping away at the list. I started exercising every day (okay, fine. It’s only been 3 days in a row), I’ve pulled out my résumé and started making notes on how to articulate my professional awesomeness. And hey! Here is my first blog post in 24 days.
Here’s to the next one taking no more than 23 days to get here.