A most *STIMULATING* discovery…

I’ve been trying to eat healthier these days, adding more fruits and vegetables, making substitutions where I can. It isn’t perfect, but it’s been a start.

While I haven’t necessarily developed a sudden need for exercise, I most certainly have developed other…”needs”.

I’ve noticed it over the past couple of weeks. More spring in my step, more playfulness, narrating those Hallmark Channel holiday romance movies with downright dirty double entendres (apparently, everything is a euphemism).

I’ve noticed it most after a cup of tea – I’m trying to reduce my coffee intake, so switching to tea felt like a good choice. For the past week or so, I’ve switched to chai tea. That’s when it’s been getting interesting…

Drinking the tea would lead to a slight euphoria, with butterflies in my…wherevers…. It was so strange, thinking inappropriate thoughts about Facebook friends, feeling flirty in the grocery store. I had just recently gone to the doctor, so I was pretty sure it wasn’t a stroke.

So, in the age of the interwebs, I went a-searching for some answers. It turns out, I was just horny, more or less feeling the effects of a steady(er) diet of straight up aphrodisiacs.

I love the idea of aphrodisiacs. The idea that sensual living (not in an explicitly sex-oriented way), in a natural world of feeling and intuition was possible was most indelibly introduced to me by one of my favorite books of all time, Isabel Allende’s Aphrodite: A Memoir of the Senses. Even re-reading this book is pleasurable, as if it were filled  with new discoveries to stimulate the imagination…and libido.


But I wasn’t necessarily experiencing magical and poetic sensations of desire and longing brought on by destiny. This was brought to me by the kind purveyors at Fairway Market. I figured this out because the nice people at Reader’s Digest were kind enough to put together a list of 19 Aphrodisiac Foods Proven to Spark Romance, most of which I’d been integrating more consistently into my diet.

With the exceptions of items like oysters, artichokes, and the summery strawberries and watermelon, I’d been increasing my intake just about everything on that list:

  • chili peppers (of the dried and paste variety)
  • avocados (they taste so nice on turkey sandwiches)
  • chocolate (mostly as hot chocolate, as I’m not too into sweets anymore),
  • bananas (for to make smoothies smooth)
  • honey (for teas and toast)
  • coffee (I’ve been reducing, not abandoning it like a traitorous heathen)
  • pine nuts (pesto and plain)
  • arugula (who doesn’t like spicy weeds?)
  • olive oil (for cooking, dressings, bread-soaking, so versatile)
  • figs (fresh, as well as a spread that goes well on a cheese plate)
  • pomegranate (juice and berry)
  • cherries (I bought a special cherry pitter device and everything)
  • pumpkin seeds (in granola, on cheese plates, and just for snacking)
  • the aforementioned chai tea (spicy sexiness that I’d been sweetening with condensed milk…which, when consumed on its own is itself a highly sensual experience)

I’m probably going to mix my diet up some more, so as to ensure I don’t find myself humping the furniture. I’ve given it some thought, and figured, given my lactose intolerance issues, adding more cheese would be a delicious – and gaseous – way to tone down my libidinous ways. Plus, I don’t always have great tolerance for alcohol, so hitting the bottle every once in a while could also tamp the latent heat. Digestive pyrotechnics as a result of overdoing alcohol would also be sufficiently unsexy.

With any luck, that should keep me out of trouble. Otherwise, there’s a very good chance that I’d wind up having moments like this:

From “Gilmore Girls” Season 1, Episode 8, Love and War and Snow


By the way. I’m writing this post on the morning of Tuesday, November 8, 2016. It’s election day in America, and I decided that for now, I’d rather deal with the happy feelings in my loins rather than the gloomy feelings in my heart/head. I’ve said it before: no matter what the outcome, I’m not going to trade in my citizenship for maple syrup. I’m just going to put on my #pantsuit one leg at a time and pray to the deities that I am, for the time being, still free to worship, that we make it through to tomorrow.


[Featured image of chai tea from Reader’s Digest article; photo credit: ISTOCK/KIDSADA MANCHINDA.]