Apparently, everyone knows I’m fat

Me: [dialing local Chinese takeout restaurant]

Restaurant: “Hello, ___________, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, hello. I would like two orders of chicken wings, and 1 order of crab rangoon, please.”

Restaurant: “That’s a lot of fried food! You don’t need us to give you all that fried food.”

Me: “I did want you to give me all that fried food. But now I don’t need you to give me any food at all.” 

Restaurant: [silence]

Me: [Click]

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Photo courtesy of Modernist Cuisine. Click on photo for bonus recipe for Crispy Chicken Wings, Korean-Style!