Vaginas ARE scary *and* beautiful. Eat your breakfast.

[Trigger warnings: vaginas, sexuality, spreadable dairy]

I try not to have too many thought-provoking conversations before coffee. But, I get testy when, upon finding your bagel reminiscent of a pliant vagina, your first reaction is, “Ewwwww!”

My first reaction is, of course, free-form poetry:

Yes, lox in its fishy splendor
Is often redolent of my c-u-next-Tuesday.
And its many soft folds often obscure
The location of that spot (of sesame seed)
You can’t find.

Of course, you complain
About sweet and salty co-mingling
Brightly on your tongue.
It seems all you were after
Was a way to deliver that creamy, white schmear.

Tomorrow, you’ll be eating alone.

lox and bagel