February 26

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Why am I naked, and who are all these people?

NakedBerlin_in_1999

Sometimes, you’re out in the world, and you plod away at the things you’re supposed to do, or think you’re supposed to do, and one day you look around and you Don’t. Know. Why.

In a given day, I might go through several periods where I find myself at a point where I’ve gone through motions, had conversations, accomplished things, and I realize I don’t quite remember what it felt like to actually do some of those things. There aren’t any blackouts, there aren’t any fugue states. Just a sense that I missed out on what it felt like to do those things. I know it’s a ridiculous privilege to be in a position to say something as trite as, ‘I want to experience my life.” But there it is.

Mine is a good life. Never perfect (I do have a job where I work with…people), and often dull (I only have basic cable). It’s plenty purpose-driven (I’m no Mother Theresa, but I put in plenty of hours (paid and unpaid) at a do-gooder job), but even in that I guess I’ve built in too much routine. I’m not an externally self-help sort of person, but I’ve got to shake things up. I’ve got a feeling I don’t know how good I really have things, and I’m missing out on enjoying some of it.

So, I was thinking, I’m kind of lazy, so maybe if I wrap this up in some sort of package, I’ll actually do something. I planned on doing ’40-for-40 – these would be 40 new/daring/scary/hard(er?) things  this year, since I’m turning 40. It’s already the end of February, and I think I’ve only done 1 (and I survived skiing!). I need new challenges – not just involving tattoos or jumping out of moving vehicles. Even small gestures that we might take for granted  in daily life. Perhaps my friends out here in the void can offer suggestions, challenges, or unkind words meant to inspire action, and I can hold myself accountable to your trustworthy recommendations. I can at least think about it.

But hey, maybe I can put ‘keeping this blog’ on my 40-for-40 list as number 2 (hee-hee, number 2…). I started almost a year ago, and for a while, I wrote maybe once a month. For a few months now, I’ve kept it up at least once a week, and in some weeks, almost daily. That’s way more than I’ve committed to Shakeology. And that shit comes in chocolate.


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Image: Group of nude men at Brandenburg Gate, photo series “Naked Berlin”, Germany2799 (source)