My name is ****. I kick puppies.

Wanted posterOkay, I don’t actually do that. But some people think I would. Or have. It’s entirely possible for this to be true.

I’m very good at snottiness and condescension in both my personal and professional lives. I’m smart, I know big words, and I’m fiercely, albeit at times excessively, loyal to what I know and believe is the right thing. I’ve spent my entire adult life working in nonprofit community-based organizations. I’ve got indignant self-righteousness down pat.

What’s beginning to weigh on me is that I’m starting to enjoy subtly tearing people down. It’s now…has been for some time now… my secret joy to wield my words and intellect, so often a source of pride and accomplishment for me [nerds rule!] as weapons against ill-thinking, ill-mannered, and inconsiderate people. I tell myself that I have good and right on my side, so my behavior in their defense is ultimately warranted. But is it?

I’m not at all a do-gooder nut job [though some of my favorite people are]. And I’m not really into the touchy-feely, self-reflective, self-improvement stuff [though some of my favorite people – annoyingly – are]. But I’m starting to think that I’m slowly poisoning my own happiness.

Look, if God wanted me to be nice, she never would have invented sarcasm.  And I’m happy to keep sarcasm and snark in business. But I may have to channel my energies into less punitive interactions. I’m in a position of power [I work for an awesome, but  ‘poor’ nonprofit, so power is a very relative term], and I can’t excuse my own behavior simply because I’m working towards a just end. Ultimately, I don’t know what that gets me. If my answer to that is ‘Satisfaction.’ then shoot me now.

So, I have to try to forge a new path. Will it make me a better person? Nah, I wasn’t horrible before. Will I sleep better at night? It might, plus wine helps.

Well, if there’s one source of knowledge and inspiration I can unfailingly rely on, it’s of course 1980s movies. So, I’m drawing my new “learn-to-let-go” mantra from that that cinematic masterpiece, “Space Camp”:

“My mom always says that being boss and being bossy aren’t the same. “
– Kathryn (Lea Thompson), when she realizes she might not be Shuttle Commander material, but goshdarnit, she’s gonna make an awesome shuttle pilot.

Here’s to putting bossy cow to pasture…even if only sometimes.